On Being Thankful

11 weeks out from delivering our beautiful girl, I find I have been really down on my body.  It doesn’t even look like it did before Cricket… not even at the same weight.  Things don’t fit the same.  I don’t feel the same.  I look at it and it looks like the body of someone else, someone older and doughier.

I took 10 weeks of maternity leave full-time, and 2 weeks part-time from home.  These 2 weeks have been an eye opener… I struggle to get work done, and keep Cricket taken care of.  To pump and feed.  To do laundry and clean house.  To make delicious and nutritious meals…  Working full-time and caring for an infant will be no joke.

I haven’t found time to exercise while on maternity.  A few walks here and there…  Some strength training spattered in there as well.  I don’t imagine it will be better when I get to working full-time in the office again.  And that makes me so sad because I truly wanted to start out with habits during this transition in our life that I could share and show Cricket.  It makes me feel like I’m failing her already.

And then I thought about how lucky I am to be where I am at with my body.

Because I have a beautiful baby girl, whom I love more than the world.

Because I am so lucky that my body carried and delivered her to us.

Because my body provides her with milk and comfort.

And I am so thankful for those things…

And for this girl…
best day ever
1 week old
so little... so tired


Weight Talk Wednesday

I’m bringing back my Weight Talk Wednesdays.  I like the way it sounds, and I like the concept of focusing on the weight issues just once a week here.  A) I don’t think it’s healthy to focus on it all the time, I have slightly obsessive tendencies.  B) It gets boring and makes me feel whiny if I complain about it all the time!!

I’m thinking today’s a good day for a recap, followed by a proclamation (I love that word, it sounds so very important and like it must be followed!) of my goals.

Recap…  I am going to share with you what’s been going on since the hiatus.

I remember complaining (before the hiatus) about how I had hoped/expected the weight would drop off with not being unhappy all the time, and not being as sedentary (since I no longer had a desk job).  But reality kinda smacked me in the face with the fact that it wasn’t going to magically just drop off?!?

Okay, so since then I have been “cycling” again…. as in lose 5 lbs, gain it back, lose 5 lbs, gain it back.
As you can imagine, this isn’t exactly helping me get to that goal of reaching my goal weight by my 30th birthday in October.

Why does the cycling keep occurring???  I ask myself this all the time, especially when I’m back to a higher point.
It’s little things that make me gain it back…

Like a visit from/to family… I stop measuring, counting, or even thinking about what I am eating.  It’s crazy… I actually find that I rarely taste my food even when I am eating around my family.  It’s a little different with Hubs’ family… they are more apt to continue to serve me and I’m still so meek and mild I don’t do well with saying no.

Or PMS.  Once a month I am out of control for 3 days.  And I always think, huh, 3 days shouldn’t be enough to ruin my momentum.  Somehow, it is.  And that combined with the bloating for the following 3 days has me feeling like I’ve failed again for 6 days of the month.

Or things like this past weekend… I look forward to the weekends with Hubs so very much.  I’m crazy in love with the guy and he’s just such fun to hang out with, or do yard work or home projects with.  This got me in the mind frame to indulge and enjoy every possible second… at every opportunity. It starts out simple with a beer/glass of wine with happy hour (cheese, olives, maybe some crackers).  Sometimes it stops there, sometimes that puts me in that good place where I just want to chill out, and then I don’t make the best decisions.

Okay, that’s the Negative Nelly side of things… Here’s some positives from the past several months.

I definitely eat cleaner and better and such than I did 6-12 months ago and feel better health-wise.  I haven’t had a full on IBS attack in months upon months.

Just a month of P90X has made me stronger.  I picked up a bottle of wine to move it around the kitchen (from the floor to the wine rack) and had to double check it because I thought it felt half empty (it wasn’t).

Theron’s been so much healthier with me walking him a couple times a day.  I feel better, he looks/feels better and his training has come along leaps and bounds.

My mom and I started a 1300 club… basically we were committing to eating around 1300 calories a day (sometimes more, sometimes less).  It worked great for a couple of weeks, but soon after she was here for a visit, it all went down the drain, and I’m still trying to find my motivation!  But my takeaway from this is that I know if I stick to it, it can work!

There’s a lot of pressure I put on myself to be at a point where I have reached a healthy weight.
I am sick of having pictures taken that I want to delete…  Especially since I’m going on vacation this year back home and I hate going home and feeling fat.  And I am a bridesmaid in my brother-in-law’s wedding and I truly truly adore the bride (and groom)… so I want to make sure I look as presentable as possible in their photos!  And we have vacations we’re thinking about next year that would require a swimsuit.  Ack, I can’t even imagine photos of that!!
I’m sick of feeling like that initial impression could be deterring clients.  Who would you trust more when receiving a massage??  Someone fit and healthy, or someone who isn’t?
And Hubs and I both agree (as well as my gyno) that mastering that healthy lifestyle/weight is vital before we try to get pregnant.
And quite honestly, I’m sick of failing and feeling like I’m on a continual cycle.  I want to have these healthy habits in place as HABITS.  I don’t want eating well, and exercising to be optional aspects of my life.

So there you have it.  

The Goal Proclamation (Doesn’t “proclamation” make it sounds so very official?!?)
From now until 10/20/12 I have about 5 months (157 days).
The goal to lose is 25-30 lbs.
That’s about 6 lbs a month… or 1.5 a week.

The process:

  • Continue with P90X (generally in the morning so I won’t “run out of time”).  I have been absolutely loving this workout, as long as I get to bed in time to get up and at’em… at 5:00 am.
  • Keep up with my 1 mile run after P90X.  When we finished our workout (Hubs and I do P90X together, cause we’re cute like that), I had been running a mile.  I know that’s not a huge distance but it felt good and was something I wanted as a baseline to build on.  And it has me out of the house so Hubs can cook me breakfast!!
  • Continue with Theron’s 2 walks a day.  The first is around 30 minutes, just him and I before I settle into work.  And the 2nd is a family walk with Hubs as well.  Smores (the cat) does not come, she doesn’t walk well on a leash. 🙂  Yes, I tried to walk her on it once… no it didn’t work out well for anyone, she kinda just got dragged along.  
  • Get back on board with the “1300 Club”.  Having a defined objective works well for me.  One of the key aspects is I don’t add back in exercise calories or anything.  I think sometimes that creates an exercise obsession for me that isn’t healthy.
    • This is a little easier in that I keep in mind healthy meals when making the weekly meal plan.
    • A little sub-goal here is that Hubs’ and I are still cleaning some of the non-real food out of the house, but that I really want to get to a point where we’re eating healthy whole foods only.  
    • Also I need a list of healthy “treats” for when I have that nighttime dessert craving…which seems to hit me most when Hubs’ is out of the house for B-ball on Monday and Thursday nights and I have no witnesses!  Suggestions are welcome, and encouraged. 🙂
  • Get enough sleep!  This one is so hard for me because I tend to get lost reading or online in the evenings.  Realistically for a 5:00 am wake up, I need to be getting ready for bed at 8:30 pm.  Yes… That does mean I go to bed earlier than all the children in our neighborhood. 🙂
  • Drink my water.  I have been slacking on this on and off, but I feel better when hydrated, and being a massage therapist I know how vital water is to all our body processes and to lubricating our muscles.
Really, when I type it all out it’s really not that hard of a plan.  It’s just sticking to it that’s difficult.  
Expect updates on what’s worked, what hasn’t worked, and any changes to my “process” on Wednesdays.  I’m not going to let this be a pity party.  I think if I can focus more on what goes right than what goes wrong, I’ll be in a better place mentally about it all.
I’m hoping this will help me find focus…  What do you do to keep yourself focused on your goals?

Finding Comfort in the Routine

Last night, as the happy dog and I were walking through the ‘hood… I found myself thinking about what days I feel happiest and most productive.

It may sound borrrrrring, but the days I am most productive and find time for the most joy are the days steeped in routine and ritual.

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.” Aristotle
“We’re worn into grooves by Time and by our habits. In the end, these grooves are going to show whether we’ve been second rate or champions, each in his way in dispatching the affairs of every day. By choosing our habits, we determine the grooves into which Time will wear us; and these are grooves that enrich our lives and make for ease of mind, peace, happiness and achievement.”
Frank B. Gilberth
See… routines are our habits!!!  Our habits are part of what defines us!!!

Rituals soothe me.  And I find comfort in the cadence of routine.  I feel myself marching towards my goals in an easier, more concentrated manner. 

When I get up on time, I get out of bed… We do our yoga, and pilates… I go down stairs, get my supplies (mp3 player, water, sometimes 1st coffee) and head down to the basement for cardio and/or strength training, and stretching — always stretching. 🙂 

After working out, Hubs compiles our lunches, we make breakfast.  We eat, then get ready for work.

I work. 

We come home.  First one home, starts dinner.  We eat.  We take care of the dishes.

We relax a bit, sometimes do some other chores.

We walk the dog.

Then in the glorious half hour before bed…  We take time to sit and relax together with a cup of decaf coffee.  Sometimes, like last night… we sit in our chairs in the front yard and just look at the moon and stars… Other nights, I get to read. Sometimes we just hang out on the couch. 🙂    The little of this ritual that always makes me smile is the decaf part.  It makes me think of my grandmother (Nammy) who passed away this summer.  She always had a cup of decaf with dinner.  It makes me smile and feel closer to her when I have a cup of decaf each night.

We get ready for bed.

We rest for the night. 

Yes, there’s variations… Wednesdays I should clean.  I’m trying to incorporate that into my mornings, by having rest days fall on Wednesdays… and taking advantage of being up at 5:00 am to clean before work.  The weekends are invariably bumps in the road with the hours of freedom stretching out in front of us… 🙂

All in all, that’s the tempo of our life…  And I love it.  I love knowing that when we click along with our routines, that our life is happy and healthy…  And we have time and space to enjoy without feeling guilty about not being productive.

It’s not easy, but, it sure is rewarding.