Peace…

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Hiatus Over!

Upon review, I realized the last time I posted was Monday, December 12, 2011.

That’s too much time to do a huge, overwhelming recap for… so I’m doing some quick hits!!!

I’m attempting chronological order, and to include the highlights but no promises!!

Health/Wellness:

  • Went vegan for a month and a half; went back to meat, cheese, eggs.  I found I was getting drained and lethargic, but turning to an omnivore diet fixed it!
  • Quit being gluten free.
  • Joined the real food revolution.  We are eating full fat cheese, milk, yogurt… Whole wheat everything.  Just clean whole real foods.  We are trying to hit 5 ingredients or less for anything we eat… which doesn’t happen if something has oh say 9 different grains and seeds in it.
  • We’ve started doing P90X.  But we do it our way… With massage being such a body intensive job, and Hubs playing b-ball 2x a week, sometimes we need a break sooner than they say to.  But I will say this… Man oh man have I gotten stronger in the past month than I believed would happen that quick.  We’re totally in love with P90X.  Late to the party, but here none the less!
  • I’ve gotten into the habit of walking Theron 2-3 times a day.  This might sound like a lot, but not all the walks are super long… This has really done a lot for the poor pup’s hips and his training!
  • Sadly, I haven’t lost any weight.  I feel healthier and feel stronger… but the scale is still no showing much of a change.  It’s quite disappointing.  
  • I found a yoga class I love… it’s Monday nights at St Elizabeth’s and the teacher is aaaahhhmazing.  I haven’t gone on the regular, but that’s okay.  I promised myself I wouldn’t let my yoga practice become a chore.  
Business/Career:
  • Signed a lease on a space for my business to operate out of in February, effective March 1st!
  • Worked at both my own business and the day spa.
  • Quit the day spa… Trusted in the net to catch me.   πŸ™‚  This has actually given me a quiet calmness in my heart.  I wasn’t unhappy with the arrangement there, but as a small business owner having to abide someone else’s rules left quite a bit to be desired!!
  • I am continuing to work with the Roanoke area Small Business Development group.  It’s great to have an impartial sounding board who’s not emotionally tied to the business.
  • I’ve been struggling with where to “mine” clients from… I’m throwing it out there in the universe that I still would like more clients and hoping someone has some great ideas to share!! (HINT HINT! πŸ™‚ )
  • Created and have maintained a new website for my business, and have a blog attached to it.
  • I worked on the traveling Cirque du Soliel show (Quidam).  I was the only CMT working on them and really wore myself out, but it was a great experience.
  • I had some issues with my back and thumbs from using both in much different ways than banking… Thankfully with great advice and patients I’m on the other side of that(I HOPE)!
Home/Home life:

  • We had a snow day!
  • We Craigslisted like crazy people and sold a bunch of stuff, then turned around and purchased (also on Craigslist) a new couch and two new chairs for our living room.  It looks so different but so nice.  We moved some of the furniture in there elsewhere in the house.  We got a few other misc. pieces, like a bakers rack for our hallway from the foyer to the kitchen to store mittens and such in!
  • I primed and painted the dining room.  It’s an amazing transformation.

  • We finally organized our basement; even the unfinished side is now usable!!
  • We pulled up a majority of the plants in the front yard and redid the gardens out front… they are all lined and mulched and look awesome.  We prettied up and planted our veggie garden on the side.  Next up – The backyard!
  • I’ve been able to catch a rhythm finally on being a “housewife”, so we’ve had lunch together most days… and the kitchen/bathrooms/house have stayed nice and orderly.
  • We purchased a Kegerator using Hubs’ Amazon bucks… the keg and filled CO2 are due this week!! We got the cheapest beer they had, in case we screw something up. πŸ™‚
  • We planned our vacations out for this year and part of next year!  This year is pretty heavy on the trips to Vermont.  We are going home in June for a week… Hubs’ turns 30 while we’re staying with his parents, and we’re swinging back to their place at the end of the trip to spend some QT with his dad on Father’s Day!  We’ll get to see my family and be part of my grandmother’s burial as well.  And we have a wedding to attend (I’m a bridesmaid!!) in September (Hooray for Chris and Kathleen!).  We also have some stuff in the works for the beginning part of next year, that will not involve Vermont.
  • We are still reading LOTR out loud…  still on book one.  But we have watched the first two movies so it’s easier to remember the plot lines when the book gets extra verbose.  
  • Since going to the gluten, I’ve been able to enjoy the world of craft beers… I really was missing out!!  It’s been an amazing adventure to eat and drink things I haven’t had since August 2008.
Relationships/Marriage:
  • I have found a lot more happiness and depth in my marriage in the past 6 months.  I think I’m finally done self-sabotaging, and holding onto the belief that it’s just going to implode one day.  It’s been wonderful to be less stressed and to be able to just be happy.
  • I’ve found that I actually really enjoy taking care of the home, who knew??  I find myself kicking around the idea of being a stay at home mom, if/when we are on that path!  Just call me Susie Homemaker!  Both Hubs and I find that our whole life feels better/happier/more balanced with me being home to take care of so much of the day to day stuff.  Our clothes are finally being ironed!  Our home is clean!  We have time to play together because dinner’s ready when he gets home and most of the dishes are done. 
  • Up until last month we’ve gotten together with some of our closest friends down here every month!!!  Illness and family issues got in the way but I’m hoping to revive that ritual this month or next.
Misc. Personal Growth:  
  • I’ve had the time/energy to come to a place of finding what I want, not what others have projected on me.  It’s still a work in progress, as I think it will be basically forever, but I feel more comfortable doing what’s best for me, and for my husband even if it means disappointing others.
  • I stopped feeling like a failure for quitting the corporate world.
  • I’ve realized that a lot of my anxiety did come from my job at the bank… but there are definitely other sources in my life that I can’t just walk away from.  I’m having to learn to cope with my anxiety and not let it rule my world.  Exercise has helped, as has breathing.  And to be lame, avoidance of the triggers.  I’m hoping to add meditation into the mix… I think it’ll really help with my anxiety and with centering myself more quickly when I do my massage.
  • My big push right now is on boundaries… setting them and keeping them.  It’s probably one of the hardest things for me to navigate right now.
Well, I’m sure I missed some stuff… but that’s what’s new for me… What’s new for you?

It’s about time…

I’ve been feeling like every day I have run out of time with little or nothing to show for it.

Funny how I have definitely been finding enough time to read a bazillion blogs…and then have to race around like a chicken with my head cut off to do my actual To-Do list.
Funny as in In-Your-Face-Mindy…. not funny as in Ha ha.
Which has been making me feel extra lazy… or like I’m living a life that isn’t fulfilling my purpose(s).  I suspect I knew that this was happening for sometime now… but what really brought it to the forefront was Jillian’s Shred.  Remember how it made me feel like I was halfassing my workouts for months.  😦  And then when I started looking a little more seriously at the rest of my life… I realized I might have been halfassing in a lot of other areas as well.
It’s EASY to just hit the bare minimum.  It’s hard to live a rich full life at times.  But that’s what I want.  I want to be the best little Mindy I can be.
I want to be the strongest, healthiest Mindy.
I want to be effective.
I want to be able to count on myself.
I got soft on myself…
It’s okay Mindy… You’ll stop binging tomorrow.  
It’s okay Mindy, you’ll run tomorrow.  
It’s okay Mindy, you’ll do your x, y or z tomorrow.
Guess what??? Day after day… It’s not okay.
Going easy on myself is okay ONCE in a WHILE, not daily like it’s become.  A poor decision doesn’t mean I wait until the next day to fix it.  I can fix it in that next little moment that comes along.
I think know I needed to give myself a break for a little while and let myself heal from the time at the bank.  I was broken inside.  Since I can now reflect back and see I’ve been too easy on myself, I will take that as the sign that I’m ready to up the ante a little and start buckling back down.
That’s why I didn’t post yesterday.  I needed to do some soul searching and see if things in life were reflecting what I wanted them to.  I like to do that from time to time, as you know.  
Yesterday was a good day, even with the soul searching… The huge SCORE! of the day yesterday is that Hubs wanted fish for dinner… Honestly… Hubs could eat fish every morning, noon and night…  But I agreed to the fish if he made it.. and he did!!  It was some herb encrusted salmon, and he made some spicy french-style green beans.  He gets an A+.  The other positive of the day yesterday is I did get to bed at a decent hour last night, 9:30…  
This morning I slept until 7:15.  I got up and showered.  After which i noticed the black circles under my eyes were smaller!!!  And Hubs made breakfast to save time because Theron and I dropped him off at work today.  I came home, made my list for the day and then took off for work.  After the massage I walked home, checked my email, made myself go Shred.  I did get mad at the Shred; I’m so all done with level 1.  Jillian gets kinda annoying after a few days.  I thought about running but my knee is pretty swollen so instead I took Theron for a nice long 37 minute walk.  On the way home I was stopped by one of our wild neighbors.  Didn’t he know I was hungry enough to eat a yak at that point????  Finally I snuck away during a phone call he received and got to have lunch.  Whew!!!
Alright.  So that’s why I’m just stopping this post here and now, and going upstairs to shower, and then make dinner (crockpot style) and make a dessert for this weekend.  And then get ready for Cellar Door!!  Oh and there’s some Hokie football to partake in as well. πŸ™‚

Feeling shameful…

The focus of my blogging is (in my mind at least) a pursuit of balance.  Balancing myself as in my physical health, mental health, emotional health.  Balancing my life as in work and play.
So everything I’m about to share makes me feel a little like a sham…  Be forewarned!
I stepped on the scale yesterday…  It was a very bad number.
I hid my scale away around the beginning of October.  I tend to develop a very unhealthy relationship with it and with the number it provides.  But all of my clothes fit too snugly… and i always feel these things more sharply when my mom is around.  So I decided to bite the bullet and step on that frenemy of mine.
It was the highest number that I’ve ever seen.
Part of it is probably the weight gain from letting go of dieting and letting go of “forbidden foods”.
A larger part is that I know I haven’t been listening to my body the past couple weeks on what I want and when to stop eating, but it seems irrational for it to cause such an increase.

When things feel frazzled, or chaotic, I have a hard time staying centered and grounded.  I have a hard time maintaining what I want and why.  It’s my flaw.  I don’t blame anyone else for it.  It’s a big reason I love yoga; it helps me to go inside myself and calm that chaotic monkey inside me. πŸ™‚  That’s also a HUGE reason I want to cultivate a daily meditation practice.  With practice, I find i can channel these skills sets much more easily.  I find they balance out my mindlessness, or my lack of focus/being grounded on my purposes.

We went to the co-op yesterday, and (since it was after I stepped on the scale and eliminated my self-esteem to zero) I had the most shameful feeling.  I felt like I did not belong there.  Like I didn’t deserve the highest quality of ingredients there.  Because I continue to abuse my body by not taking care of it, and not honoring it.

I spent yesterday feeling a combination of shock that I let myself gain so much, shame that I couldn’t do better and understanding on how easy it is for the obese to get there.

I don’t want to feel chained down by all of this.  I let myself feel poorly about it yesterday.  Today’s a new day.  Today I can take each moment to honor myself, to honor my needs and wants.

I found this quote yesterday on FB, and it was startlingly true…

If it’s important to you, you will find a way.
If not you’ll find an excuse.
And that my friends, is the thought I will leave you with today.

Don’t waste your time on those who want to diminish your sparkle and shine…

You know the types of people I mean… Those ones who spend their time trashing others.  Who want to pull you into their drama.

Those people that aren’t driving their life forward, so they want to hold yours back.

Those people who, when you tell them a goal, they work in direct opposition to you achieving it.

Yes, we all have something negative to say about someone else from time to time… but does everyone really dwell on it and try to cut those people down?

Yes, we all have times when we’re complacent in our lives… Sometimes out of contentment, sometimes out of a lull in direction.  But do we belittle those riding that swell of a momentum wave?

Yes, we all have envy over those who are working towards goals… sometimes it seems like things are happening so easy for them… but does it really pay to put more road blocks  in their way? 

I don’t think you gain by pushing someone down.  I don’t think life rewards you for being that way.  I can not like someone at all, and still admire what they are trying to do, changes they are accomplishing. 

People will be who they will be…  But I have control over who I let in my heart and in my life… And I do think it’s a waste of time to let anyone get in your way… Or to let anyone steal your shine!

And, while I’m at it… I’m working on making sure I’m not tarnishing anyone else’s!!!

Finally Friday!!

Whew!!

The week both flew by and dragged on…

I felt both productive at times, and left myself disappointed in my follow through at others…

But in the end…

It is FINALLY FRIDAY!

A lovely evening was planned…
A homemade pizza for dinner… topped with mozza and much veggies!!

A walk through the ‘hood with pup and Hubs…

A relaxing bath with some Epsom salts, bath bubbles, and a face mask…

A nice LONG night of sleep…

Tomorrow we’re up at 6:00 am…. Yes… I know tomorrow is Saturday…. Yes… I also realize it’s traditional to sleep in… but you see… I have to fit all sorts of stuff into the day tomorrow.

Yoga
Pilates
A hike up Mill Mountain

ANNNNDDDDD…. Dusting and vacuuming the hovel…

Then we get to have some real fun…. 

Microfestivus πŸ™‚  Hubs scored some VIP passes for us… a souvenir glass, tastings, and catered food and water tent!!  Yah, we’re awesome like that, yo!