The Joy of No

Every time I take any kind of personality assessment, I always get told I’m a people pleaser.  The type that puts everyone else first.  The girl at a party that spends the whole time making sure everyone else has fun, even if she’s not the host.  The person who says yes to last-minute changes/requests, even when it impacts her plans.

That’s the same type girl who resents feeling used.  Taken advantages of.  Taken for granted.

That’s the same person that doesn’t ever seem to hear “Thank you” or “I’m sorry for yelling at you when I was stressed out at everyone else” or “I really appreciate you”.

I really really am awful with personal boundaries, both creating and enforcing them.

When asked a question, or to do something for someone else if it’s going to make me feel bad that I said yes, I’m trying to say no.

Often I say yes to accommodating others, instantly.  Instead , I’m making myself think about it and really reflect upon if I want to… or if I just want to say yes to make someone else happy.

The reason this is such a problem for me is that I take it personally that people abuse me in this way… EVEN THOUGH I AM THE ONE LETTING IT CONTINUE.

My feelings are hurt when a neighbor asks me to help out and they know I have guests coming.  I say well I have guests coming…  And I get the response “I only need this and this and that”… I end up saying yes, but I’m so angry at them for thinking it’s okay to add to a plate that is already filled.

My feelings are hurt when I am going out of my way to be extra helpful at an event, and when the host cracks under the pressure and I’m there, being Helpful Hannah, I get yelled at… I just want to scream “I didn’t have to help you, I didn’t have to make this day extra special, no one else is doing this for you!!”.

I’m practicing the process of thinking about each action I do for everyone else and thinking about what my real motives are and how I will feel if they are not appreciated.

I’m practicing thinking if saying yes will overwhelm me, and what the downside of saying no could be.

I tend to be an extremist…

If I don’t go the extra mile no one will like me.  If I don’t always say yes, they will say no when I really need their help.

If someone doesn’t like me for not going the extra mile every.single.time, do I really want/need them in my life? NO.

If they aren’t willing to help because I had to honor my own needs once or twice, am I really at a loss if they don’t help me anymore?  NO.

I’m embracing the joy of saying no.  Of owning my time, my space and my life.  One simple No at a time.

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