I have tried to flesh out several different topics for today’s Weight Talk Wednesday… but none of them feel fully formed just yet. So today will be more in the format of musings on a few subjects.
- I’ve been reading and working pretty intensely through The Rules of “Normal Eating” by Karen Koenig this past week. I’m feeling extremely happy with my progress. I’m feeling like its really clicking for me, and that it’s going to help take me where I want to go with my relationship with food and my body. However, it’s intense and draining… I don’t have a ton left to give to thinking on this topic. It’s amazing that there’s so many books on this topic but once you find that one that talks to you in the right way, it really gives rise to hope.
- I’ve been really focusing on my hungry/full signals, and letting myself throw out food or put it away if I am not hungry anymore. It’s been a really calming experience.
- I’m really really anxious about our trip home and my eating habits and the mental progress I’m making. I worry that it will unravel when I’m home. When I’m around Hub’s parents we eat relatively healthy and clean because they are very Mediterranean in their eating habits (My MIL is 1/2 Italian and my FIL is 100% Greek), but it’s a portion thing. My MIL is an amazing cook, and I think often shows her love with food. I end up eating so much each night at dinner that I’m surprised I can get up and move after! I don’t want to hurt feelings by refusing that second portion or by leaving food on the plate. I am really hopeful my work on exploring this will help me set my boundaries and rationalize the situation better. Realistically, I highly doubt that me not overeating will say to my MIL that I don’t like her!
- When I’m around my family I tend to eat differently than I want to. I eat different foods, and I literally find myself racing to eat as much and as quickly as possible. After thinking about it and spending time with the situation in my mind I have established that I eat to quell anxiety, and to quiet the emotions I don’t want to deal with. I also tend to drink, a lot when I am around my family. I know these two activities are not healthy for me; mentally, emotionally or physically. I know emotions are what help to guide us, and if I can just feel the emotions maybe I can help navigate that part of my life better. I tend to slip into a mode where I don’t want to rock the boat, and I want to keep the peace at my (And to be honest The Husband’s) expense. If I am to be authentic to feeling my emotions and caring for my own needs/wants, I am fairly certain to rock the boat. I have been getting more and more anxious about that as I get closer to vacation.
- I’m still acclimating to the heat. It’s 77* inside when I wake up, and 82*-86* (depending on how often/how long I use the oven during the day). I’m feeling a little drowsy and lazy during the days. And the heat is making sleep somewhat of a struggle. I sleep best when I’m cool and when I’ve worked out and walked the dog. I like my body tired so it can override my mind if need be. 🙂 That’s not happening with having to wait for the house to cool down before sleeping, and therefore staying up late. As you can imagine, that also skews getting up early to work out. My muscles are craving a good workout, but it’s just not happening!!
- Summer pictures are already gracing FB… It really makes me want to let go of my body issues and just enjoy. I am not going to magically wake up tomorrow and be thin… so I might as well embrace what I am working with in the here and now, and let myself enjoy that for what it is… and let myself enjoy the sunshine, water, wind, whatever. Maybe a month down the road I’ll be more comfortable… but the size of my body does not determine my ability to have fun and to love the summer.
Today is house cleaning day, which is best done before the house gets crazy-hot. It started out cooler today, and it’s very pretty out with a nice breeze. Plus, our septic tank (which is desperately in need of pumping) is getting pumped today so we should finally be able to run the dishwasher the same day as we do laundry… so I can get back in my Suzy-Homemaker-Mode!!! Fingers crossed I can get some quality sleep tonight, and we can get up and workout in the cool of the morning!