My big secret..

I’ll share my big secret.
For as excited I am to really throw my heart and soul into massaging.  For as excited as I am to be embarking on a whole new career path.
I’m secretly shaking in my booties.
Fear is setting in.
At my current job…. I have people to talk to and to have relationships with at work.  Friends and acquaintances…  Once I make the move… Clients are not really people you can have a healthy friendship with.  It crosses boundaries… as it’s built around the massage therapist providing nurture and care.  A friendship born of that can rarely be 100% two-sided.  Additionally, with the difference in the type of interactions with people on a daily basis, I’m worried about more pull on my marriage.  I worry that I will lean on Hubs more for social stimulation and the stress/strain will be hard on us both.
In my current career… I have been doing the same sort of work, with variation for the past 9 years.  I know what to expect.  I know I’ll be moderately good at what I am doing.  I know how the job(s) work.  I know what to expect each day for the flow of work and the types of work.  While I know I am a solid Massage Therapist… that’s not all that goes into being a successful self-employed business woman.  I’m scared I will fall flat on my face.  I’m scared I’ll regret leaving the known for the unknown.
Money comes in steadily now… Every 2 weeks.  26 consistent pay checks a year.  Sometimes I even have the added bonus of overtime.   When I move to massaging… I’ll only get paid as much as I end up drumming up for business…  Minus rent, linens, laundry, cream, scheduling, etc.  Not steady, not secure, not certain, and maybe not enough sometimes. 
The unknown keeps hitting me; wave upon wave.  Will I be too scared to market myself?  Will I be too pushy and push potential clients away?  Will I end up floundering with less structure to my life?  Will I really end up training on doing body wraps, or will the new esthetician take that on, and that extra security will fall away from me?  Will I really be happy with more time at home to take care of the house?  Will Hubs start to resent me, and my bringing in of less money?  How will this affect our quality of life?  Will we have to feel destitute and like we’re scraping by, all over again?  We finally had gotten comfortable, income wise, and now, WHAM I’m throwing that comfort away.
In my heart, I know that the fear is normal, and is the flip side of the excitement.  I need it to temper my optimism.  To keep reality involved.
And what feels good is that despite the  fears, I don’t feel any regret on my decision to make this change.

One thought on “My big secret..

  1. Pingback: You Never Know Where Motivation Might Find You… « Finding Time to Breathe…

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