Calgon, take me away!!!!!

To be honest, I never saw those Calgon commericals… but I do remember working at Kinney Drugs in Colchester, VT and stocking the shelves with that!!

 As I’ve mentioned before I am afflicted with IBS.

I get cramps so bad, and lower stomach pain so bad, I used to go to the ER with it.  It’s some of the deepest and strongest pain I could imagine.  I’m pretty rugged, so this is saying a lot.  I promise. 🙂

It’s triggered by a few things…
Milk/Ice cream (Oddly not so much yogurt and cheese, so maybe it’s the lactose?)
Excess caffeine
drum roll please…


To say that I’m stressed at work is to understate it.  I’m completely and deeply unhappy, on almost every level imaginable.  I know I am not alone.  This is mostly precipitated by the fall out of being the purchasee in the merger at work…  Which beaten down our entire department.  The number of people who’ve gone on short term due to work related stress, injuries, etc. surprised me. 
I, for one, think about it, worry about it all the time… I seriously feel I eat, sleep, breathe this job.  And not in that fun way when something is new, or you feel that spark of excitement so you just can’t get enough of it….  More like that dread of the first day of school, or final exam day… that gnawing feeling that just won’t go away. 😦

I am proactive in life…  I’m not going to roll over and go down without a fight. I’m not always effective, but I do try to create resolutions for my problems, or improvements for my situations.  I try to make it better; escalate things, talk things out, create solutions…   But the part that really gets me  right now is that I’m at that point that whether it works or not… I just truly don’t care.

I’ve become someone I don’t know…
I’m catty.
I’m hateful.
I complain unending, and can’t seem to find the shut off valve.
I struggle to be the happy, healthy girl I know is inside me.
I’m not a particularly helpful or nice person these days.
I don’t respect who I am at work anymore.

It’s taken over my life.  I’ve worked at this company since 2005, in various different departments/job titles.  And this is the first second third time that I’ve had a job there that’s gotten to the point where it feels like it’s poisoning my life. 

I know a lot falls on me, for not pushing through it. Or for staying in a job that’s making me so miserable.

But that’s not the point of this here post… no sir!

The point is the stress is destroying my mojo!!!
And to make it worse, it’s kickin my IBS into over drive.
I try really hard not to take the smooth muscle relaxers my gastro doc prescribes me.  I prefer stress management.  So right now, I spend a lot of time trying to talk myself down, and I’ve had to take those little blue pills more than I would prefer.

I’m not taking them today, but the stomach issues are coming back, and they aren’t waning and waxing like usual.  They are taking up permanent residency.  I just want to feel normal again… instead of feeling these cramps get worse as I write/talk/think about work. 

It sounds so weird, but it’s like this stressful situation is systematically taking me down…
First it attacks my emotions… which then take out a lot of my mental confidence….
Now it’s attacking my body…

What’s next??? Sending in the Dementors to suck out my soul??? Please no!!!

To get my mind off things…  We’re going to go take Theron for a walk, I’m going to try not to bitch about my job, and then we’re watching Hall Pass.  My rockstar Hubs is the CouponMom around here, and so we have a free RedBox tonight… and next Thursday night as well I do believe.

I love the idea behind this movie… so funny…  Just because you can have a “free” week off of marriage… who says you’re still cool enough to get what you think is so great on the other side.  🙂  Hopefully it lives up to my expectations.

Happy Thursday????!


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